The Pre-requisites of Love

It has once been said that in order for you to love someone else you would have to love yourself first. But if you were to meet yourself would you like you? If the answer is no, admit it to yourself and figure out why? Learn who you are by dating yourself, loving yourself, finally make a commitment to yourself. Accomplish all of this first before making room for someone else.

Things that make you go hmm...

Examine yourself. Give yourself the once over. Are you applying yourself? Are you using your mind effectively? Stop having someone think for you! Take a plunge, use your brain or lose your brain.

"A Pure Player"

Tom Izzo, coach of the Michigan State basketball team, was asked what type of player does he look to recruit. His respond was "a pure player". He elaborated by saying, "not the greatest player but a a player who truly loves the game. Someone who is willing to give his all to the game."

Now my question to you is, "Are you a pure player?" Just like in a game, in life you have your spectators, bench players, 6th men, and starters. What category do you fall into? Do you live up to your greatest potential? Or are you a bench player or a spectator? Do you even know what your best really is?

Whatever the answer is, you must set standards, goals, and/or expectations for yourself. You must know your worth. You must have pride in yourself. You must reach beyond the status quo and exceed all expectations. In the end you have to want to be that "pure player".

It's Okay To Be Fake....

No seriously, it's okay to be fake. As it has been said before, life is a stage and you are just a character fulfilling  the roll of your lifetime. Here's the disclaimer: You Must... I repeated You Must know yourself in order for this to work. So after you have established who you are, you can use this technique to handle stress. 

Now the goal of this method is to remove yourself from hostile situations. The secret to this method is to ultimately get your counterpart to act or reacted the way you want or need them to. Now what I am about to say is not unfamiliar. Here it is... Kindness. The role that you have to fake is kindness. You have heard sayings such as "kill them with kindness" and "you can attract more bees with honey then vinegar". The truth is these sayings are correct. Think about it, it is hard to be mean to a nice person. 

This is the role. This is your moment.  This is your performance of your lifetime.  Now here is the trick, your niceness has to be genuine. Or at least it needs to seem genuine. Some will call it "faking it until you make it", I call it channeling your inner niceness. Now this may sounds easy, but you have to stay in character. You cannot revert back into the "keep it real" you (please refer to "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong"). You cannot sound condescending, or fake. If you do you have failed. 

You may think..."if I assume this nice role people will walk right over me". No! No I say, that is farther from the truth. You do not let this person walk over you, you just say the same thing in a nice voice. By doing so, you are controlling your emotions thus controlling the conversation. Showing anger, frustration, or aggravation reveals weakness and people will sense this.

Having control of your emotions also allows you to control your stress levels. A stressless life will better your mental health as well as physical health. One more thing, I must warn you this method is best used at work or around people who do not know you as well.

So beginning today let's not call this fakeness lets call it ACTING!   

     

Breakthrough the Status Quote

It time to get empowered! Starting today make a pledge to yourself that you will be successful. Education is a lifetime commitment. The importance of learning should be installed in the minds of children as early as their first cognitive decision. This is evident through commercials that advertise teaching your child how to read at a early age.

This commitment must continue throughout your adulthood. Do not be afraid to go back to school to change your career. According to an article located on the CBS website, Just 45 Percent of U.S. Workers are Satisfied with Their Jobs (click here to view article). This is sad. We spend the majority of our lives at our jobs and at least we need to be satisfied.

If you are not happy in your position; it is time to make a change. If you are calling the place you work at a job and not a career; it is time to make a change. If you feel you have more to offer to society and your potential is not being utilized; it is time to make a change. If you are a lawyer and you feel you would be great as a teacher; go for it! Who said you cannot make a late career change.

A lot of times we get trapped or forced into these career fields because at the time we were in need of a job; we made the wrong decision in college; or we never received the education necessary to have the career we always dreamed of. Whatever the reason, if the time has come to make that change, then lets breakthrough the status quo!

Don't Box Me In!

Republican Party, Democratic Party, and Independents listen up! Stop trying to box us in. Stop trying to force feed us this non-sense about my social beliefs, my religion, and my love for this country!  Just because I believe that health care should be mandated does not mean I am a socialist. Just because I believe in God does not make me a religious zealot or fanatic.  Just because I want change for our country does not mean I do not love my country.

We are forced into these little statically categories in order to predict our votes.  Since patterns rarely change, the statical data is turn into reality. This is why Republicans candidates don't run for office in Detroit or even campaign in the city. There is a belief that Detroiters are not educated voters, and our track record is proving this statement true. People it's time to wake up. Our representatives are not representing us.

For example, look at the City of Detroit.  The Democratic Party has been running Detroit for over 20 years. What do we have to show for it?  Corruption is running ramped; the school system is worthless; and economic growth is a joke that you tell in a bar.  However; if a person  ran under another party the chance of them winning Mayor in the city of Detroit is slim to none.  But we voted in several scrupulous people without blinking an eye.

Lets get educated!  Lets change the world!  Lets not let our Four Fathers down! Vote according to what is more beneficial to the city, state, and/or country.  Lets not replace a good political agenda with a popularity contest.

Momma's Boy or Insecure Woman...

So you find yourself in a battle. It is the challenge of your life and its titled in lights MOM vs. WIFE and all odds are in her favor. To add to this misery you realized that you have married a man that some would consider a “mama’s boy”; and you want him to change?  Good luck with that!

Now what is a girl to do? Well first, take a deep breath because it is time to face reality. This relationship with his mother has been established for years, it will be almost impossible to correct directly. His mother is the woman that has been there and has proven herself countless times. Now little "ole you" has come in an disrupt the "BEE's HIVE". So you need to take a different approach.

Understand this, your husband feels there’s no woman above his mother; and she does not respect you. To change his way of thinking, you must change the way she thinks of you. So first, you have to establish a “relationship” with your mother-in-law.  Invite her to do lunch. Go on a shopping spree. Take her to get her nails done. Or simply, ask her what are her interests and plan accordingly.

Your goal is to make her see that you are wonderful. Yes! It’s ridiculous! I know it will not be easy! Take one for your marriage or the future of your relationship! This new found “friendship” will eliminate a lot of conflicts between you and your mother-in-law (future). Ultimately, bringing you closer to your husband; and at the end of the day, he may see you from a different perspective.

The Harsh Reality: This man did not turn into a momma’s boy overnight. You knew the type of man you married. Hold yourself accountable. Take time to find your value and stop competing with his mom.